68  Ahron Street

Tel Aviv

434579

November 3,2012

The Editor

The City Voice

POB 123445

Tel Aviv

Dear Editor,

I'm writing in response to Jeffrey Hartmann's letter about your article "Righting a Wrong".

I think that Jeffrey is right. In my opinion, women shoudn't be discriminated anymore.What I mean is to ask all of us: isn't the right to equality a basic right?

I believe that women shouldn't be discriminated nowadays. Moreover, nowadays women are equal to men in most areas;Therefore the discrimination shoud be inferior. For example the Prime Minister of Germany is a woman, and it's reputed the most prestigious work in the European Union. So that mean
most of the Germanys thinks that woman can lead them better than man.

In addition, Jeffrey Mentions in his letter that "there is no reason to insist that women be on every committee.." . I think that although we are all equal, there are some people that understand more in specific subjects, so they should be in the committee. However, they shouldn't prevent from other people to integrate in the committee. And than women could integrate in "men" jobs.

To conclude, all the people on Earth are equal,woman already got their equality in most areas. Jeffrey Hartmann is absolutely right ,women shouldn't be discriminated or get affirmative action any more. 

Maybe woman should work harder ,because the equality is already here

Sincerely yours,

Dave Borpe

I'm sorry to say you missed the point. Jeffrey wrote his opinion about affirmative action for women, and how he though it was not needed anymore. You were supposed to relate to that. Please read his letter again and make sure you understand it this time. Then write your letter again.

(45)

Daphna

The Evil's Nature

In religious belief ,evil is usually perceived as dualistic opposite of good(phr.). However

nowadays, evil, is something that we learn from our enviroment in order

to protect ourselves from worst things - It's not clear what you mean. What you are stating here is not accurate.

The Pandora box was a large jar given to Pandora, which contained all the evils of the

world and when the jar was opened all the evils release(gr.- use the past form of the passive) to our world. This is one explanation to the source of evil . Still, I believe that we can decide how evil we want to be (or whether we want to be evil at all!!).

In my opinion , evil is like a  feeling - you can control it when you're trained enough.

However, somtimes we have to be mean to protect us(ww.) (from what?)  and to keep our

image to show that nobody can humiliate us(in which cases does that happen?) - this is too vague.

In conclusion, the evilness is hidden in every person, however, we  decide how to show

it and how to use it. All the people on Earth exposed(gr. - use the passive) to evil but we react differently because we don't think the same way. 

(76)
Daphna
I'm sorry by the grade remains the same. You will have to try again to make it clearer

Relationships in family

One day when I'll be a father ,my child and me will have a sympathetic relationship.

He'll tell me everything and we'll be like friends ,moreover I'll let him be independent.

However, nowadays, parents have a complicated relationship with their child for several reasons,
for instance, (the) generation gap, experience and principles.

My relationship with my parents is quite good ,we don't debate or clash, but it takes alot

of energy from both of us. I got my independence without asking them (for it), they just give(gr.) it to me ,so we didn't fight over it. Also, they try to give me everything I want ,and when they don't give me what I want I try to understand why they did it. So ,first side(ww.), my parents try to understand me and respond to my needs and on the other hand, I try to stay clam when they refuse.

In my opinion, the main reason for those complicated relationships between both sides is tenacity because when one side refuses the other side gets angry and they both fight until they bleeding(ww.+gr.). The solution to this problem is very easy, to be more patient and understand each other better. Even when the problem is bigger, there are a lot of professionals that can help in this situation, from Alon Gal to workshops in this issue.

In conclusion, (a) home should be a nice place(phr.). However, it requires patience from both sides, they must try to bridge their different opinions. In order to get what they want ,they both have to understand each other and to understand that fighting  won't lead them anywhere.


Much better. Well done!
(88)
Daphna

Team sports against individual sports

In sports, like in other areas of life, everybody has two options; to be alone or to be in group.

Both options have advantages and disadvantages, so every person can choose his favorite option.

Specifically, in sports there are so many types that anyone can do what he prefers; (New sentence) in individual sports, like swimming ,golf and running, the sportsperson depends on himself, not as on team spotrs, where he dependents(ww.- depends) on other people. (New sentence) however, I prefer team sports.

In my opinion, when a person chooses the individual sports he doesn't trust people, so he wants to

be independent too(מיותר), he has to trust only in(מיותר) himself .However, individual sports is also harder than team games, because the sportsperson has to give one hundred precent to succeed and beat his opponent .Unlike the team sports, in which a sportsperson can have a bad day but still his team will win the game.

I think that chose(gr.-choosing) both(ww.-either) sports says somthing about the person. For example, when people choose the team sports that can tell us about him that he trusts other people ,he's(you are talking about "people" and then start talking about "he") friendly ,ready to share the glory. Compared to the individual sports(You can't start a sentence this way), where people are more reliant on themselves, want the glory to themselves and to know that what they gained by winning is thanks to them.

In conclusion, when (a) person make(gr.) a choice about the sport that he prefers, it tells us about the personality of that people .This is not a concluding paragraph, it's only one sentence long.

Better.
(76)
Daphna

A Dilemma is a complicated problem, it's the kind of problem that doesn't have only one right solution. Moreover ,sometimes a dilemma doesn't have a solution at all, and you need to choose the best solution for 

 you- the one that can help you the most or the one you think is the right thing to do. Sometimes all the solutions won't be what you planned.

About two years ago, I had to choose between two classes, Nachshon or the computer class.

Nachshon is a scientific class- the subjects taught in this class are chemistry,physics and biolgy 
,unlike the computer class subjects ,which are mostly about computers and programming.

At the end, I chose the programming class becuse most of my friend went to this class too,and I wanted to

be with them.I had considered some things when I had to choose, for example: the subjects I was going to learn in 
each class,whether I like those subjects at all ,How to find new friends?
How each class was going to help me as a person. So, I chose the programming class because I thought it was better to(ww.-for) me. But I had not done this choice alone,

my family helped me.

Looking back I don't think  that my choice was the right one. Because I had gone to the class because of my

friends and after a month I moved to the  Nachshon class. When I had chosen this class I thought that it was the
 end of the world because I would be alone until I find some new friends,but I had to think differently
.I was wrong ,luckily I succeed move to the Nachshon class(phr.+gr.).

The second option was to stay at the Nachshon class from the beginning (I moved before the first day

of school).Today, when I'm in class I feel very good because I found new freinds.In conclusion, I think 

I made the right decision

Better, but still needs some work.
(70)
Daphna

Two Little Important Things

Everybody knows the word 'succeed'(ww.-success), have you ever wondered what really made someone successful? which characteristics help us to succeed? In my opinion, there are two important characteristics that help someone to succeed. The first one is patience, when you're listening to someone, and the second characteristic is to know when you need to be convincing.

In your life, you need to hear(ww.-listen to) people's opinions(ww.-advice) and to know how to use it for you, by taking all the opinions and trying to make(ww.-get to) the best solution, with some of the opinions.Moreover, people will be glad when they  hear about your idea, because this idea help them to get what they want them ,and you care about them.

(not clear,what do you mean?). Then people try to help you, because you helped

When someone tries to make people choose him, so he could succeed in what he is planning,(New sentence)  he have(gr.) to know how to convince people, to know how to explain his idea and make it sound the best. An example for that is like in politics, where everybody trying(gr.) to convince the other people to choose him(ww.-them), and then he can make rules and agreements(phr. - not clear).

 In conclusion, the two main characteristic, in my opinion, are being convincing and listening to others' opinions ,because it is a good way to succeed. My advice to you is to try to listen to others' opinions even when you don't want to succeed, and then when you really need them they will be there for you.

It's still not very clear, although it's better.
(73)
Daphna

My dilemma

Today I would like to share with you a dilemma I had ,but first I would like to explain what is a dilemma .Dilemma is a complicated problem, it's the kind of problem that doesn't have only one right solution. Moreover ,sometimes a dilemma doesn't have a solution all, and you need to choose the best solution for 

 you- the one that can help you the most or the one you think is the right thing to do.
Sometimes all the solutions won't be what you planned.

So after this explanation I want to introduce to you one of my dilemma's lately.

About two years ago, I had to choose between two classes (Nachshon and the computer class).
Nachshon is scientific class- the subjects taught in this class are chemistry,physics and biolgy 
,unlike the computer class subjects ,which are mostly about computers and programming.

At the end, I chose the programming class becuse most of my friend went to this class too,and I wanted to

be with them.I had considered some things when I had to choose, for example: the subjects I'm going to learn in 
each class,am I like those subjects at all? ,How am I going to find a new friends?
How does each class going to help me as a person?

So, I chose the programming class because I thought it was better to me. But I had not done this choice alone,

my family helped me.

Looking back I don't think I that my choice was the right one. Because I had gone to the class because of my

friends and after a month I moved to the  Nachshon class. When I had chosen this class I thought that it was the
 end of the world because I will be alone until I will find some new friends,but I had to think differently.

but I was wrong ,luckily I succeed move to the Nachshon class.

The second option was to stay at the Nachshon class from the beginning (I moved before the first day

of study).
Today my feeling when I'm in class is very good because I found new freinds,In conclusion I think 
I made the right decision

(60)
Daphna